Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
