Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
