Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
