I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
