Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
