So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
