4 words: hood of his car
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
