You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
