The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
