Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
