I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
