How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
