So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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