You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
