So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
