I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
