UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could make wine with my vomit
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
