last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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