woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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