She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
