your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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