Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my fart just growled at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ttyl tear gas
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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