i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it was like eating out sand paper
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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