can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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