We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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