Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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