You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
