JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
