It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
