Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
