That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
