I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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