So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
