first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
