Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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