I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
