M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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