May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
