You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
