Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
