He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
