I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
