using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this boner is exhausting
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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