and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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