i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
