i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After tacos, we're chasing women.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
