i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
