I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
