yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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