zippers are such a cool invention
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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