well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
