Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
