I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
