I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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